My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
