Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
