So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
