found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!