I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize