White coat. Heels.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...