not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor