i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
