youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
