WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
