the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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