friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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