I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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