I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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