I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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