I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
