So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you win again, gameday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
