also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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