Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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