I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
