It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
