I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize