"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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