Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
