I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
