I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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