Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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