Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
