I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
