im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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