Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
