If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
