at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
