we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize