So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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