I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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