I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
