So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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