i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
