I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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