U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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