Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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