We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
