a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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