He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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