i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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