i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
