Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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