note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
