he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
