the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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