She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
