This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
