she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
