So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
