Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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