my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
