Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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