Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
