ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
