You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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