I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
