What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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