Having a random hookup so left but love u
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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