At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
