Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
