dude i'm inner monologue high
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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